Ramblings the Sunday before THE EVENT

I made a brilliant decision to have a bunch of out-of-towners to my house for dinner tomorrow night. Sarcasm, you ask? Yes, in part, but it WAS brilliant because it forced me to clean my house. I washed floors, scrubbed bathrooms, rearranged furniture...Haven't quite dusted yet, or cleaned all the mirrors, or changed my sheets. But its good enough for dinner guests. I also sang at church this weekend, meaning I was at church Saturday from 4:30 to 7pm and today from 7am to noon. And all this the weekend before THE EVENT. I'm grateful to have had a busy weekend so I didn't have to sit around feeling guilty for not getting more work done.

I have issues. I think I've mentioned that before.

Mom, I know I need to call you. I'm sorry, I'm going through one of my phone-phobic or anti-talking or "damn the man" phases.

We talked last week at small group about prophecies and what it looks like when God fulfills His prophecies. This week at church, the sermon was about God's promise to Abraham. I've been thinking about this off and on for a while -- the question of what God really has promised to us, and whether I believe in it, and whether I understand (can anyone understand?) what God really means by the promises we like to claim from the Bible. He doesn't promise we won't fail or hurt or royally screw up or make people mad at us or get lost or sink into depression. Does He? Do You, Lord? And so I'm struggling to know exactly what I should trust God for, or expect from Him. It's one of those things that I don't necessarily have to know, that maybe I'll never know. And yet I want to.

So the connection to THE EVENT, of course, is that a big part of me expects failure and is ready to be disappointed -- or to not be overwhelmed with God's power and goodness. My therapist advised me last week to be "open to the possibility of success," to not so expect to fail that I can't even recognize success. God, I really and truly do not care about succeeding personally with this event -- I want it to be glorifying to You. Make it good, Lord, for Your sake. I give it to You now and (without fully knowing what I mean by this) trust You with the outcomes, whatever they are. I trust they'll be to Your glory, and that will be success. Amen.