Canadian Christmas

So Lucky and I have been in Winnipeg for the past week, celebrating Christmas with his family. Celebrating Christmas, eating food that makes me want to throw something (like the food) at someone's head, taking long cold walks through a foot of snow, playing cards with the in-laws, having anxiety attacks about returning to work, feeling guilty about how little desire I have to talk to anyone, allowing myself to indulge on anti-anxiety medication, and other assorted activities. Not quite the ideal week away from home. Why can't I be one of those people who relaxes, relishes every moment of vacation, reads a lot and bakes cookies and enjoys spending time with family we rarely see?

Lucky asked me if I had any New Year's resolutions. I don't really believe in them, but if I did, my resolution for the year would be to change. Even just a little. To be even just a little bit better of a person than I am now. Surely that is possible. And to worry a little bit less, to obsess less about my job and my house and my self. I'm tired of even writing about it.