What's Going On

Richard and I exchanged Christmas presents early this year. He bought me Bose headphones and I bought him an I-Pod. Now we both want what the other has (in addition to what we already have). Give a mouse a cookie...

We finished up our time in Texas on Sunday. It really was wonderful, the whole trip. I don't think I'd change a thing about it even if I could. I enjoyed the conversations I was able to have with my mom. I should say a few words about my mom and me and how we communicate. It tends to take us a day or two to get into a groove; it's funny, I feel like I have nothing to say and no energy to say it for our first day together, and I get the sense that she isn't sure who I am or who she should be to me either. But then we warm up to each other and we're able to find each other and talk and enjoy it. It's so odd. I wouldn't trade it for anything. I'm also learning a bit more about my step-dad, David. He is such a kind man, full of love, uniquely gifted at seeing things about people that most others wouldn't see. He has his blind spots, of course, and idiosyncracies just as we all do, but his heart is so huge that the blind spots matter less and you can only love him. Richard is definitely the more social person of the two of us and I know both mom and David appreciate him as part of the family -- Richard has this gift of being able to engage almost anyone in a conversation. He has this gift of caring what other people think and letting them know he really cares. I love him, again I am reminded of that.

Our few days in Dallas were also very good and laid back. One day after lunch we took a tour of Suzanne's laboratory and office -- pretty extraordinary, what goes on in there! So many vials and blood samples and computers and unidentifiable machines and people working hard. I was impressed. I told Richard it was more exciting than the tour we took of his brother's paper factory (hopefully I didn't offend him). And it was WAY better than the tour of the iron mine in Minnesota (don't get me started).

The most productive thing I did in Dallas was help my dad work on a paper he had to write for one his classes (to do with communication, for his mediation certificate). It was quite stimulating, actually, to read academic journals and learn new concepts. I really liked the ideas of one researcher in particular and looked him up -- turns out, he's on faculty at a distance (or "distributed") learning graduate school. The more I research this school, the more I like it...I feel change in the air...Wouldn't it be amazing to start working on my PhD in Clinical Psychology but integrate into it courses from the human and organizational development field? I'm dreaming...The problem with distance learning is that you can't have distance RAs or TAs or tuition waivers...so it will come down to a question of money.

But all that to say, I'm definitely exploring some school options, just to see what's out there. Ideally, I'll be able to start something and keep working. I'm talking to my boss about spending more of my time at work researching some things and helping to develop recommendations for program directions -- that would be the perfect way to get back into the feeling of graduate school. It just came up in a conversation and I think it might actually happen...Thank you, God, for being much better than I am at putting all the pieces together.

I love my little sister. She is such an amazing person. Did I mention that last time? Nicole, you have to come visit me!!! I love you.

Thanksgiving in Texas

It's been a while since I posted. For some reason, I haven't felt very motivated to write...To my three readers, please don't take it personally. It has nothing to do with you. It's me.

I'm on vacation this week -- Richard and I left for San Antonio on Saturday, then yesterday we drove up to Dallas. We spent the weekend eating, reading, and shopping with my mom and step-dad; a lazy, lovely weekend. On our drive up to Dallas, we stopped in Austin to visit my little sister, one of my very favorite people in the world. She's eleven years younger than I am and the way I feel about her is the closest I can come to imagining the love a parent has for her child. When I'm around her, I just want to make sure she knows she is beautiful and valuable and wonderful and that she blesses everyone who knows her. I want her to be happy. I want her to experience all the best things and none of the hard things in life, and it makes my heart ache to confront the reality that she lives in the same world I do -- one that inevitably presents you with difficulties, pain and loss. I pray she has strength, endurance and joy throughout her life. I pray she knows peace more often than sorrow.

We arrived at my dad and stepmom's home early yesterday evening. We went out for "Tex-Mex" last night; the most authentic thing about the restuarant was the fact that our waiter hardly spoke any English. So far this morning, we've eaten breakfast, I've played with the dogs, and my father, husband and I just took a brief walk around the small neighborhood. It mostly comprises cul-de-sacs, big fancy houses, well-watered but still browning lawns, newly-planted flowers (in November?), and emptiness. The only other person I saw was a guy jogging -- it's kind of pathetic to jog in this neighborhood, you virtually run in circles.

We'll be in Dallas until early Thursday morning, when Richard and I will drive back to San Antonio to rejoin my mom, step-dad and little sister.

So far, it's been a lovely vacation. I actually feel almost relaxed, it's so nice. I think I could get used to this...

Briefly

This morning, the following was read aloud to me: "God does not want you to destroy yourself. Exhaustion, burn-out and depression are not signs that you are doing God's will." (Henri Nouwen, The Inner Voice of Love.)

It's good to be reminded of this...