Week in review...

After a rough weekend, the work week didn’t look it was going to be much better. I fear a new war may be developing at work. I’m constantly asking myself how much more I can take, what I should do next, where I should focus my energy, how I’m supposed to know what is good and right.

But some good things came out of the week:

Ø My boss’s boss reversed a decision he had made last week that would have thrown even more of my job into chaos. At least now I feel like I have a little breathing space.
Ø Richard and I bought a new tree last weekend to put in the front sidewalk (to replace the very sad Charlie Brown tree that was there before). It’s a weeping cherry tree. It’s only about 6 feet tall right now so it looks a little pathetic and the neighbors’ kids ask us if this one is dead too, but I’m so happy with it. Something about weeping trees makes me happy.
Ø Richard has been working on painting the front door (which we replaced in December but hadn’t gotten around to painting). It’s a beautiful blue, a deep slate blue that is restful and confident and disarming. I love it. He’s also painting the frame around the door and windows and putting up new numbers to identify the house. We’re going to have a beautiful front-of-the-house.
Ø We had a contractor to the house on Thursday to give us an estimate for removing the concrete from the back area, laying paving stones and erecting a trellis and pergola. I think we’re going to move forward with it. it will give us a little shade, a lot more character and a flower bed with enough dirt that we won’t kill our plants in three months. Hopefully. We’re going to have a lovely outdoor area out back.
Ø I survived. I’m now in the Johannesburg airport getting ready to fly to Maputo, Mozambique, shockingly peaceful with the knowledge that I have four weeks away from the office. And in just three weeks, Richard and I will be on a week-long vacation in Lake Tahoe…

I usually hate it when people say, “God is good,” probably because it seems like people only say it when things are going well and so it seems phony and not well thought through. But being in this faraway airport, completely conscious of the fact that life is hard right now and the future is a big fat unknown and I’m not in the healthiest emotional state of my life, I can’t help but acknowledge: God is good. With all the crap and the chaos and confusion, there is beauty and mystery and hope. Always hope. Odd how the question of life so often leaves me wanting to curl up in a ball and tell God, “I give up, I don’t know the F*&%ing answer!!” Perhaps the fact that the question remains even when life is truly stupid and illogical is a miracle in itself.